Burrito Justice Radio
I was flattered to be asked by Allan at Mission Mission to co-host a talk show on BFF.fm, the Mission’s newest streaming radio station. But it worked out — two hours of me and Allan talking about maps, bikes, history, burritos on a stick, fog and telegraphs, IPA, books and music.
Anyway, I didn’t make a complete ass of myself and they invited me back next week, so tune into Burrito Justice Radio next Wednesday from 12-2pm. (Sorry for those of you who got a choppy feed today, but BFF just got a beefier server).
BFF.fm is based out of the Secret Alley (which you might know from the American Tripps Berlin-style ping pong) and the interior is awesome. Here is a 360° pano, along with a polar projection.
If you have ideas on what we should cover next week, lemme know in the comments.
Bikes to Books MAP PARTY
Following up on the map published in the centerfold of the SFBG, an organization no less profound than CITY LIGHTS is helping us publish an even larger, grander version of the Bikes to Books map to help celebrate the 25th anniversary of the streets renamed after San Francisco authors and artists.
The bike tour, led by Nicole Gluckstern, gathers in South Park 10:30 and leaves Jack London Street at 11. I will be holding down the fort at City Lights, leading the readings that start at 2 at Jack Kerouac Alley. I’ll be the guy dressed as reading an excerpt of Jack London.
Here’s a clip of the map — it’s basically what you’d expect from a a Burrito Justice post, but on paper (18×24) and double-sided.
While I don’t think we can crack open IPA in the alley, Vesuvio is right next door. In case you get confused, here is an explanatory diagram:
See you on Sunday!
Bikes to Books
October 6, 11 am bike tour, and 2 pm reading/anniversary party
City Lights books, Nicole Gluckstern, and Burrito Justice announce the publication release party for their collaborative bike map/tour: “Bikes to Books,” Sunday October 6 at City Lights Bookstore in San Francisco, celebrating with a bike tour and a reading in Jack Kerouac Alley.
Combining San Francisco history, art, literature, cycling, and urban exploration, “Bikes to Books” began as an homage to the 1988 street-naming project spearheaded by City Lights founder and former San Francisco Poet Laureate, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, in which twelve San Francisco streets were renamed for famous artists and authors who had once made San Francisco their home. Twenty-five years after the street-naming proposal was passed by the then the Board of Supervisors, local author and city cyclist Nicole Gluckstern devised a bike route connecting all twelve streets into a comprehensive bike tour, and enlisted avid amateur historian Burrito Justice for the creation of an interactive, multi-functional map, recently published in an abridged form in The San Francisco Bay Guardian. The two-sided, full color map published in collaboration with City Lights, is appropriate for use as a navigational tool, a history lesson, and a unique work of art in its own right.
Bike Tour details for October 6:
Meet on the North side of Jack London Street at South Park from 10:30 am.
Tour will commence at 11:00 am sharp.
Tour will end at approximately 2 pm outside City Lights Bookstore, at Jack Kerouac Alley in North Beach.
Cost = Free! (bring your own water/snacks)
Reading details for October 6:
Meet in Jack Kerouac Alley from 2-4 pm for a celebration of the 25th Anniversary of the Street-naming project and a release party for “Bikes to Books” map, sponsored by the City Lights Foundation.
Cost = Free!
Morning Bernalwood
With the Burrito Railgun reminding Bernal who is boss.
Sutro Wins the America’s Cup
As far as I can tell, the real winners of the America’s Cup was Sutro. (Karl The Fog ran a close second.)
(click for HD)
Burrito On a Stick: Genius or Madness?
One thing I complain about endlessly is the inherent difficultly of moving a burrito from one location to another. IT IS SO HARD.
Let us thanks the taqueria gods then that in 1983, a man from Ohio named Eddie L. Bernal filed a patent for a “Readily portable burrito”.
Yes, that is a burrito. On a Popsicle stick. A “Burritosicle” if you will. WTAF. (Thanks to @bigphil for revealing this curious if not dangerous patent.)
Burritosicle MRI:
Let us investigate Eddie Bernal’s reasoning for this unorthodox burrito transportation methodology:
“With increased popularity in Mexican food, burritos have kept an equal, if not a faster, pace. Burritos are made of a soft, highly pliable tortilla in a generally cylindrical shape which is wrapped around a burrito food filler. The filler usually includes seasoned meat or beans but, more recently, other food fillers have also been used, including such items as fruit. With the tortilla being soft and pliable, and the filler being squishy, if not juicy, of practical necessity, the burrito must be eaten on a plate. Consequently, burritos are usually sold by restaurants with dine-in facilities or purchased only by customers taking them home to eat.”
WTF EDDIE WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN GETTING YOUR BURRITOS OH GOD FOR THE WANT OF FOIL IN OHIO
The technical/legal description of a burrito ranges from poetic to pornographic:
“with the remaining portion of the tortilla constituting at least one half of the tortilla forming a chamber contiguous with the wrapped portion, a food filler contained within said chamber, and said tortilla having edge portions at the ends of said chamber closed off to enclose the food filler, said tortilla being at least partially cooked and in a semi-rigid, self-sustaining state.”
burritochikkabowbow. Is that a burrito in your pocket or are you happy to see me?
Let us gaze again upon the magic that is the burritosicle.
You see Eddie, your use of a toothpick should have warned you entire plan was flawed. Anyone with the most basic grasp of burrito physics will notice this design lacks foil and therefore is inherently structurally unstable.
But Eddie has our backs, my friends!
“At this point, the tortilla 22 still retains its highly pliable, soft state and would quickly fall apart if one attempted to lift it by the exposed portion of the stick 26. However, the product is then cooked in a manner to cause the tortilla 22 to obtain a semi-rigid, self-sustaining state. In that state, the tortilla is not as crisp as a cooked taco shell, for example, but is in an intermediate state of hardness between a cooked taco shell and the original, soft, pliable tortilla. It can be described as having a hardness similar to that of a crescent roll, for want of a better definition.
A preferred manner of achieving this state is by immersing the assembled item in hot liquid. A suitable container of hot cooking oil at a temperature from approximately 325 preferably about 350 immersed in the hot oil until it rises to the surface thereof, which indicates that it is done. The item is then removed from the oil and the fastener 54 extracted to achieve the final burrito-type product 20 ready for sale and consumption. The product can then be eaten from the upper end 50 down and the consumer can carry it about while doing so. During the cooking process, the tortilla swells slightly so that the wrapped portion 28 tightly engages the stick.”
So basically we are looking at a chimichanga on a stick.
If my detailed internet research is any guide, could this Eddie Bernal (poor choice of last name, Eddie!) be this serial restauranteur from Texas?
Big hat, no burrito, Eddie. Learn to use some fucking foil.
But let us close with a GIF:
Ground Control to Major Frog
You have to admit that if you’re a frog, this is one of the better ways to go.
Ground Control to Major Frog
Commencing countdown engines on
WTF are you doing in the pond
Check ignition and may frog’s love be with you
This is Major Frog to Ground Control
I thought I had a few seconds more
And I’m floating in a most peculiar way
And the pond looks very different today
Can you hear me Major Frog
Can you hear me Major Frog
Can you hear me Major Frog
UPDATE:
AOL linked to this post and initially misidentified the song as Elton John’s Rocket Man. To their credit they quickly corrected the error, but not before @phillydesign and I went on a tear:
Bikes to Books Map (and Party)
In conjunction with the esteemed Nicole Gluckstern, I present to you a bike tour of San Francisco literary figures, printed in today’s Bay Guardian!
In 1988, thanks to the effort of City Lights founder Lawrence Ferlinghetti, 12 streets were named after authors and artists who made San Francisco home over a century and a half. 25 years later, Nicole contacted me and asked if I would help her make a map, to which I naturally said yes, because hey, maps!
So run as quickly as you can to a news rack (remember those?) and grab a copy.
If you missed it, fret not — we will be printing out maps! And on October 6th, there will be a bike tour and a map party/reading at City Lights Bookstore! Details are in the official press release (PDF):
Sutro Island
America’s Cup
At least how I see it.
Willie Over Troubled Waters
I’d honestly like to thank the California State Legislature for even considering naming part of the Bay Bridge after Willie Brown. It makes our efforts to properly name it after Emperor Norton seem absolutely reasonable in comparison.
Thanks go to Andrew over at SFist for saving me from writing what certainly would have been a diatribe on my part. Read and absorb:
Since we first mentioned it last month the petition to rename the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge after Emperor Norton I has accumulated roughly 2,800 signatures in support of the effort. The Sacramento-based effort to rename the West Span after Willie Brown, on the other hand, is a steaming load of crap being forced upon the Bay by glad-handing pols in the state capitol, eager to bestow an honor on a man responsible for grossly inflating the costs of the new span. We cannot allow any portion of the Bay Bridge to be named for Willie Lewis Brown Jr.
The State Assembly has already voted for it (including Phil Ting who really should know better. Ammiano abstained.) It’s been dubiously fast tracked and will go to the State Senate on *Monday*, so here’s what what you need to do TODAY:
CALL you state senator and tell them to vote no on ACR-65 “The Willie L. Brown, Jr. Bridge.” (If you want to mention that the entire bridge should be named after Emperor Norton, please do so.)
CALL your state assembly member to express your displeasure if they voted for ACR-65.
In April, the Senate Transportation Committee: committee adopted a policy on naming highways and structures, which states a few conditions which are obviously not being met. Call the members:
Senator Mark DeSaulnier (Chair)
Senator Ted Gaines (Vice Chair)
Senator Jim Beall
Senator Anthony Cannella
Senator Cathleen Galgiani
Senator Ben Hueso
Senator Ricardo Lara
Senator Carol Liu
Senator Fran Pavley
Senator Richard Roth
Senator Mark Wyland
and remind them of what they agreed to 5 months ago:
b) The person being honored must be deceased.
Willie Brown is alive.
d) The author or co-author of the measure must represent the district in which the facility is located, and the measure must identify the specific highway segment or structure being named.
The bill was authored by an Assembly member from Southern California.
f) The proposed designation must reflect a community consensus and be without local opposition.
See this blog, SFist, the Chronicle, and the thousands of locals who signed the Emperor Norton Bay Bridge poll.
g) The proposed designation may not supersede an existing designation unless the sponsor can document that a good faith effort has uncovered no opposition to rescinding the prior designation.
We oppose. The western span is already named after former mayor “Sunny Jim” Rolph. If it’s going to be renamed to anything, Emperor Norton is the obvious choice.
If you live in Senate or Assembly district of San Francisco or Oakland that touches the bridge, call your representatives and ask that they, as representatives of relevant districts, can propose a resolution to name the Bay Bridge after Emperor Norton.
- San Francisco: Assembly Tom Ammiano, Senate: Mark Leno
- Oakland: Assembly: Rob Bonta, Senate: Loni Hancock
And if you want to print these out and hand them out in Sacramento, feel free.
Burrito Justice 