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Bernal Gets Curiouser

September 23, 2012

So I was browsing through Mars Curiosity’s raw image uplink looking for more eclipse photos, and I noticed something odd:

Oh, BASA. Your vector antipixelation is less than algorithmic.

BASA claims to be a civilian space agency, but La Lengua operatives have uncovered clear evidence of Bernal deception and aggression. In a preemptive strike this weekend, commando squad “Zapata” scaled the cherty massif and penetrated the secret Bernalwood command bunker underneath Sutrito.

We were shocked to find weapons system actively targeting La Lengua.

Yet another futile attempt by Bernalwood to to penetrate the Wall of Salsa. Though this does explain the repeated EM pulses detected by La Lengua sensors over the past few months.

Normally our commandos would call upon the LaLeReAiDeCo (La Lenguan Revolutionary Air Defense Council) to energize the burrito railgun and immediately neutralize this clear and present threat to La Lenguan autonomy with a rain of al pastor.

Unfortunately this was not possible today, as the cooling system is being upgraded (under the guise of “sewer improvements“) and the burrito railgun can only be operated in temperatures under 65ºF.

Planning for the defense of La Lengua is serious business, as Bernal never sleeps. The LeLaStMiCo (La Lenguan Strategic Missile Command) has treaties with other neighborhoods threatened by the Bernalgemony. Under the pretense of “radiation cleanup”, the Hunters Point Security Collective has been constructing the city’s second burrito railgun. Now witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational burrito station!

Fret not, San Francisco, the reign of Pax Burriticus is upon us!

15 Comments leave one →
  1. Joe Thomas permalink
    September 24, 2012 1:53 am

    This will not stand.

  2. September 24, 2012 9:14 am

    That gif wins the Internet today.

  3. September 24, 2012 1:05 pm

    What GG said about the GIF. As someone who’s obsessed with container cranes and all things port-related, I think it wins the internet for the week…

    You know, now that I think about it, I suspect that El Gran Taco Loco being “out of pollo asado” a few weeks back was the beginning of a Bernal experiment to infiltrate the border zone through burrito-based sanctions. Starving La Lengua is no way to start an occupation.

  4. September 24, 2012 4:14 pm

    You will stand with Bernal. Or you will kneel before it.


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