Not A Burrito, NYC Edition (part II)
Welcome back to America’s newest game show sensation, ¡¿IS. IT. A. BURRITO?!
In tonight’s episode, we take the show on the road to NEW YORK CITY!
Our contestant is my friend @brittneyg, part of the SF Diaspora. She has two cats, a great boyfriend and just moved to the exciting borough of Queens. Brittney, are you ready to play?
Alright Brittney, but let’s keep our expectations realistic! This is New York City after all, and we have seen some of their “burritos” during last season’s ¡¿IS. IT. A. BURRITO?!
OK Brittney, you’ve chased down a taco truck in Queens. Please describe the “burrito” you have found.
Oh dear, this is off to a bad start. But we here on ¡¿IS. IT. A. BURRITO?! don’t judge a book by its cover! (Or a burrito by its foil. Wait, actually we totally do judge that!) Anyway, please describe the structural integrity of the “burrito” in your possession.
OH GOD NO. Brittney, there is still time to save yourself. Run! Run for your life!
OH THE HUMANITY. Alright, let’s keep things together here. What about the tortilla chips, Brittney?
Somehow this isn’t surprising. What about a picture, Brittney?
Oh sweet jesus, Brittney, are there any witnesses to this debacle? Are you sure this isn’t a dream/nightmare?
Great Scott, you’ve clearly succumbed to Stockholm syndrome and are overly sympathetic to your captors. Just put the “burrito” down, Brittney, and get to the nearest ABDF (Authorized Burrito Dispensing Facility). Here are instructions.
Well Brittney, thank you for playing ¡¿IS. IT. A. BURRITO?! Please let us know when your flight to SFO has taken off, because we have a special present for NYC!
That’s right! Thanks for playing, NYC! You win… a Burrito Railgun Delivery! We’ve disabled the humanitarian safeties, and within 9 minutes you will receive a fiery rain of al pastor, coming in hot at 29,000 mph! Expect a 20 mile blast radius of foil.
We had to destroy New York in order to save it.