Skip to content

2072: Taqueria Wars

November 5, 2013

2072. Ice sheets have collapsed. Sea levels have risen 200 feet. San Francisco, thanks to its hills, has fared better than most coastal cities and is now a thriving archipelago.

sf island 200 ft vector 600

Double-blink to have this map delivered in 2D linear format via pnuematic tube from the undersea ZazzleDome.

Tensions between Google and San Francisco have always been high, especially after Google’s controversial (and eventually futile) levelling of San Bruno Mountain to just 100 feet for its new headquarters in 2032.

Zoning and Board of Sups resolutions have forced most Google corporate assets and employees to be based on enormous barges floating along the coasts (with an especially high concentration along Market Shoals and Mission Gulf).

However, construction of these barges requires tremendous quantities of aluminum, which has caused foil prices to skyrocket. And any remaining sympathy towards Google evaporated when their partnership with Chipotle was announced.

For the Taco Boat Fleet (which maintained critical supply lines in the 2060s as Meltwater Pulse 3A quickly turned San Francisco hills into islands), this existential threat of both foil and soul cannot go unchallenged.

taco-boat

The Flotilla takes matters into their own hands against the Google-Chipotle duopoly.

google barge sinking

burrito rail gun hunters point

Even Oracle is taken aback by the Google-Chipotle’s response.

But the tide turns. “The more you tighten your grip, Google, the more burritos will slip through your fingers.”

Google has made many corporate enemies over the years, and they move to support the rebellion:

burrito bomber SF

Google Barges, once feared, are now a liability, not a strategic asset.

Google’s partner Chipotle provides covering fire during their inglorious retreat with their burrito attack craft (while managing to simultaneously offend both culinary and design sensibilities). While the removal of foil provided a better turning radius, the thermal and structural integrity of the airframe is fatally compromised. The entire Chipotlan fleet is lost.

dersubmarine

Google retreats to its lunar datacenter facilities and the San Francisco Archipelago rebuilds its taqueria infrastructure to its former glory. But Earth celebrates too soon.

Luckily, the SFA’s fleet of deep space BRVs (Burrito Research Vessels) return from the Kuiper Belt to neutralize Google orbital and lunar assets.

space burrito

The space burritos deorbit satellite fragments, enabling the era of Pax Burriticus and socialized al pastor.

Advertisements
One Comment leave one →
  1. November 6, 2013 1:26 pm

    My underground, foil-lined bunker is lined with vacuum tubes filled with burritos from all around town. Currently at ~1,200 but might need more in light of this post. #TaqueriaWarsPrepping

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: