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Burrito Law

May 14, 2015

As burritos transcend the Mission, we here at Burrito Justice keep a watchful eye on quality worldwide and frankly, it’s not looking good. One of our agents has just reported in from the United Kingdom:



WTAF England. Looks like Gibbons needs to get cracking on a new book.

Despite our best efforts, we are seeing escalating threats, both international and domestic, against the sanctity of burritos. This must cease.

By the powers vested in me by the City and Country of San Francisco, Junipero Serra and Febronio Ontiveros, I hereby declare BURRITO LAW:

Statute 1:

Statute 2:

We frankly cannot believe these first two statutes are necessary but that is what things have come to, folks. It is indeed an era so dark that our next statue is sadly required. Brace yourselves:

Statute 3:

That’s right people, not all cylinders are created equal. We have no choice but to implement appellation d’origine contrôlée de burrito: if it’s not made in a county that touches San Francisco Bay, it’s not a burrito. (OK, fine, Santa Cruz too. Any county that touches a county that touches the Bay. But we get to disqualify any burritos in these secondary counties. Caveat Burritor.)

“But what about a burrito bowl?” some have asked. Sure! A burrito bowl is a burrito, as long as these conditions apply:

Any transgressions of these three statutes should be immediately reported to the BBB (Better Burrito Bureau):


We are a kind and generous people and realize that inspired individuals may transcend the unfortunate limitations that geography has imposed on them. If you feel your local, non-Bay Area burrito meets our standards, you are wrong, but do feel free to send in form BE-4101 in triplicate:

Note that any and all burritos exported from the BABE (Bay Area of Burrito Excellence) are and will continue to be burritos with legal and moral standing until their consumption, presuming of course that Statue 1 and Statue 2 are not transgressed. These include burritos smuggled on airplanes, delivered by the Alameda-Weehawken Burrito Tunnel and of course via the all-powerful Burrito Railgun.

burrito rail gun hunters point


burrito rail gun launch

All others, enjoy your cylinders of sadness! Or jump on a flight to SFO and hop on BART to 24th St.




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