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Balkanize Bernal

October 22, 2013
tags: ,

In a pathetic attempt at disinformation, the cold-blooded hill people seek to imply La Lenguans wish to rejoin the oppressive Bernal regime. Nothing can be further from the truth.

In fact, La Lenguan agents have detected fractures in the Bernalian Hegemony. The LaLeReCaMi (La Lenguan Revolutionary Cartographic Ministry) has assembled this map of the impending breakup of Bernalwood.

bernal balkan

The glorious breakaway of La Lengua was just the first step in the fracturing of Bernal microhood self-determination. A quick review of the chertish fault lines:

Holly Park and St. Mary’s Park have long questioned the need to follow the heavy hand of the Bernalwood Authority. St. Mary’s already have signs and a flag, so this was just a matter of time.

st marys flag

The Lost Tribe of College Hill still resents the lack of higher education services promised in its name. Bernal simply doesn’t deliver, and Portola Norte seeks to regain association to its brethren across the long lost Islais Creek.

Outer Cortlandia has long resented being looked down upon by the Cortlandia center of Bernal commerical power. Alemanistan shows its commercial independence with the farmers market and swap meet and night market.

(photo via TL)

The eastward facing Hill People of Powhattan have long felt a sense of alienation from the Cortlandian core, with little to no easy access to food or entertainment services, and spotty transportation options.

The radioactive chert of Bernalwood has increasingly led to cases of animal giganticism — a dramatic evolutionary leap in canine intelligence has inevitably followed. The dogs of Bernal have given notice and broken away, forming the Sutrito Canine Republic. Run free, Fido, run free.


Santana Rancho is the cultural heartland led by spiritual leader Carlos Santana, and protected by an amazonian league of black magic women, no less.

@karlthefog is the new cultural leader of the slopes of Foggy Vista. Yet these Sutro-facing denizens are  battling their own micro-microhood secessions with Esmereldia and Eugeniaia corridors seeking to yearn free.


The case of Precitaville, base of Industrial Magnate Telstar Logistics, is a curious one. Nominally the progenitor of Bernalwood, this cartographic charlatan has in fact been planning a break from the Bernal Hegemony. However, the twisted history of Precita Creek is far too strong, and Precitaville is already facing the revolt of the valley of Serpentinia. Then there is the Principality of Chicken John, a cultural force whom few dare challenge.

1857 Bernal tract overlay GE

So, Bernalian Pretenders, your day is done. Long live the independent peoples of Bernalwood!

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Brandon permalink
    October 22, 2013 2:24 pm

    Lies! All lies!

  2. October 24, 2013 3:03 pm

    My dog just informed me he is applying for a Sutrito Canine Republic passport and I am crushed. The image on the cover is pretty cute, though.


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