Burrito Vigilante Justice

In case you were worried about this blog becoming all responsible and newsworthy…  It is best remembered that Burrito Justice is a powerful concept and must be delivered responsibly.

SFist reports there is no such thing as a free burrito:

Berkeley Burrito Brawl Ends Badly (Daily Clog)

Apparently at 4:30 p.m. on Tuesday, a few men got into a fight over free burritos at Juan’s Place near the Berkeley Aquatic Park… and it didn’t end well.

While the police haven’t released the names of the people involved, at least one person is in the hospital after getting beat by a tire iron and a metal pipe.

Contra Costa Times, via CurbedSF:

One hospitalized, two arrested after food dispute (SJMerc)

Berkeley police say shortly after three men walked into Juan’s Place restaurant Tuesday afternoon, they became involved in an argument with employees over free food, which the men often received at the restaurant.

A police spokesman says when two of the three men brandished a knife and a belt, two restaurant workers grabbed an iron tire and metal pipe and beat one of the men.

That man was taken to a hospital where he was unconscious Tuesday night. Two of the restaurant employees were arrested for assault with a deadly weapon.

Given how seriously the employees take their burritos, thankfully the drunken customers didn’t try to stuff the burrito down their pants.  That could have gotten ugly. Especially if dressed as a superhero:

Captain America Arrested with Burrito in Pants (PW)

On Saturday night, when a costume party full of medical professionals stopped at On Tap Cafe, police said [Doctor] Adamcik had a burrito stuffed below the waistband of his costume and was asking women if they want to touch it. When one refused, he allegedly took out the burrito and groped her.

The woman called police and, when they arrived, the officers wrote in their report “there were so many cartoon characters in the bar at the time, all Captain America’s were asked to go outside for a possible identification.”

The woman pointed out Adamcik and the burrito was found in his boot. He was taken to the police station. There, while in a holding cell, police said, he asked to use the bathroom and tried to flush a joint, also hidden in his blue tights, down the toilet.

I think the real crime here is how poorly the burrito was being treated. Maybe the good doctor was expecting this response (but that requires knowing who in the bar reads Burritophile):