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Калифорния Dreaming

April 1, 2014

Greetings Comrades! Russia is flexing its muscles following the absorption of Crimea.

A Russian legislator and friend of Putin actually sent letters to Poland suggesting they split the remainder of Ukraine in two. “It’s never too late to correct historical errors.”

(No this is not an April Fools’ Day joke.)

Until Seward and his purchase, Russia had a substantial presence in Alaska, so it’s not surprising that some there are calling for it back.


Hey look, California!


(Hmm, California seems to have gotten bigger…)

Historians and Beer-Americans will know the Russians had a colony up at Fort Ross from 1812-1842 until they gave it up and sold it to Mr. Sutter.

Of course we are ready for any Russian incursions:

But this has not stopped the dreams of a greater Russia by bloggers and TV personalities! Our agents in Poland have kept us up to date:

I mean come on guys you can’t argue with’s reasoning:

“Russians today live in Alaska and in California,” he continues. And these are “not emigrants of a new wave but the descendants of their glorious ancestors” who came and developed this coast. These people are trying to preserve their Orthodox faith and their Russian culture.”

Oh in that case sure, come on over.

“Discussions about the reunion of Alaska, and California with Russia is quite reasonable and fair. Alaska and the Pacific coast of North America – Russia Beach . Is not it time for us to stand firmly on its shore?”

Let us not forget they already have the maps:

The invasion would obviously look something like this but with less snow…

…and more sand:

Russia Beach!

This of course presumes that @karlthefog doesn’t get involved, like he did with Sir Francis Drake. And we all know Sutro would get in on it too.

Our Russian blogging friends continue:

“[Sitka] became the most powerful port in the Pacific. Even San Francisco admitted it was inferior to the capital of Russian America.”


I mean this is the second time Russians have dissed SF in the past few years.

“Vladivostok is probably better than San Francisco,” [Medvedev] said on Monday. “Nevertheless there are similarities that come to mind, because there is also an ocean, suspension bridges and the similar terrain.” In one last dig, he added: “Our people are definitely better.”

I just hope they don’t remember about the Russians buried on the hill.

But if anyone with an accent asks, they were probably Finns, not Russians.

And maybe we shouldn’t remind them that American troops were in Russia during the revolution after WWI (Archangel and Vladivostok).



“American troops in Vladivostok parading before the building occupied by the staff of the Czecho-Slovaks. Japanese marines are standing to attention as they march by.”

And don’t get too smug, Canada and Japan and Poland and Czechs, you were involved too

russian revolution foreign troops



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