The esteemed Peter Hartlaub came across this ridiculously awesome nativity scene in his Oakland neighborhood.
The answer, of course, is this innocent shadow play tweeted last year:
All hail our dinosaur jesus overlords.
Welcome back to America’s newest game show sensation, ¡¿IS. IT. A. BURRITO?!
In tonight’s episode, we take the show on the road to NEW YORK CITY!
Our contestant is my friend @brittneyg, part of the SF Diaspora. She has two cats, a great boyfriend and just moved to the exciting borough of Queens. Brittney, are you ready to play?
Alright Brittney, but let’s keep our expectations realistic! This is New York City after all, and we have seen some of their “burritos” during last season’s ¡¿IS. IT. A. BURRITO?!
OK Brittney, you’ve chased down a taco truck in Queens. Please describe the “burrito” you have found.
Oh dear, this is off to a bad start. But we here on ¡¿IS. IT. A. BURRITO?! don’t judge a book by its cover! (Or a burrito by its foil. Wait, actually we totally do judge that!) Anyway, please describe the structural integrity of the “burrito” in your possession.
OH GOD NO. Brittney, there is still time to save yourself. Run! Run for your life!
OH THE HUMANITY. Alright, let’s keep things together here. What about the tortilla chips, Brittney?
Somehow this isn’t surprising. What about a picture, Brittney?
Oh sweet jesus, Brittney, are there any witnesses to this debacle? Are you sure this isn’t a dream/nightmare?
Great Scott, you’ve clearly succumbed to Stockholm syndrome and are overly sympathetic to your captors. Just put the “burrito” down, Brittney, and get to the nearest ABDF (Authorized Burrito Dispensing Facility). Here are instructions.
Well Brittney, thank you for playing ¡¿IS. IT. A. BURRITO?! Please let us know when your flight to SFO has taken off, because we have a special present for NYC!
That’s right! Thanks for playing, NYC! You win… a Burrito Railgun Delivery! We’ve disabled the humanitarian safeties, and within 9 minutes you will receive a fiery rain of al pastor, coming in hot at 29,000 mph! Expect a 20 mile blast radius of foil.
We had to destroy New York in order to save it.
Glen Narrows is both a physical and emotional barrier to those on Bernal Isle as they overlook the taco boats of Mission Gulf. Noe Valley is a distant memory.
For the third time, Potrero Island rebels have destroyed the foundations of the bridge to Bernal. 134 year-old NorCal Gov Jerry Brown simply says “I’m in this for the long haul. Potrero Island is now officially under blockade — the NCSS Ed Lee will be joined by the second Sutro-class algae-fueled submarine, the NCSS Elbo Room.”
Coit Island overlooks the ruins of the Financial District and North Beach. Divers have recently retrieved menus from Tosca and have confirmed the integrity of the dome covering City Lights Bookstore.
Before traveling into the future, we here at the BJCPAME (Burrito Justice Center for Post-Apocalyptic Mapping Excellence) have maps available for purchase that will assist you in 2072 property assessment values.
Quartz reports on the transformation of a Japanese floppy disk assembly line into… wait for a it… a hydroponic greenhouse! Lettuce is grown in vats in a clean room, never to see the light of day.
If you are a satisfied with Big Lettuce, so be it. But we here in San Francisco like to kill two birds with one stone. The founders of Mission Street Food are doing an aquaponic Kickstarter. Not satisfied with merely serving delicious food from a a truck then popping up in a Chinese restaurant and then making delicious hamburgers in a Vietnamese grocery store and then a bowling alley and then opening another restaurant in a former taqueria that was previously a donut shop open 25 hours a day, and then transcending waffles, Anthony and Karen and crew have taken it to another level — they want to employ fish to grow lettuce that will be served in their new restaurant, Perennial.
WAIT WHAT FISH THAT FARM
Yes you read that correctly. Each day, fish will come in to work, swim around, eat food scraps from the restaurant, and “nutrify” the water in which the lettuce enthusiastically grows. (Just don’t tell the fish that they are on the menu too.)
Anyway, the Kickstarter is in its last week and they’re almost there, so hop on over and help them out!
Also, I’ll be talking to Anthony and Karen on Burrito Justice Radio over at BFF.fm this Wednesday from 12-2. So tune in to hear a bit of San Francisco’s restaurant history along with some of its future.
I often get asked if something is actually a burrito. This usually involves things with -rrito or -rito as a suffix. To clarify:
@daviottenheimer was kind enough to summarize my Twitter overview.
And just because it’s shiny and delicious doesn’t make it a burrito.
IMPORTANT NOT A BURRITO UPDATE:
@shamptonian informs us you can play at home!