As burritos transcend the Mission, we here at Burrito Justice keep a watchful eye on quality worldwide and frankly, it’s not looking good. One of our agents has just reported in from the United Kingdom:
WTAF England. Looks like Gibbons needs to get cracking on a new book.
Despite our best efforts, we are seeing escalating threats, both international and domestic, against the sanctity of burritos. This must cease.
By the powers vested in me by the City and Country of San Francisco, Junipero Serra and Febronio Ontiveros, I hereby declare BURRITO LAW:
We frankly cannot believe these first two statutes are necessary but that is what things have come to, folks. It is indeed an era so dark that our next statue is sadly required. Brace yourselves:
That’s right people, not all cylinders are created equal. We have no choice but to implement appellation d’origine contrôlée de burrito: if it’s not made in a county that touches San Francisco Bay, it’s not a burrito. (OK, fine, Santa Cruz too. Any county that touches a county that touches the Bay. But we get to disqualify any burritos in these secondary counties. Caveat Burritor.)
“But what about a burrito bowl?” some have asked. Sure! A burrito bowl is a burrito, as long as these conditions apply:
Any transgressions of these three statutes should be immediately reported to the BBB (Better Burrito Bureau):
We are a kind and generous people and realize that inspired individuals may transcend the unfortunate limitations that geography has imposed on them. If you feel your local, non-Bay Area burrito meets our standards, you are wrong, but do feel free to send in form BE-4101 in triplicate:
Note that any and all burritos exported from the BABE (Bay Area of Burrito Excellence) are and will continue to be burritos with legal and moral standing until their consumption, presuming of course that Statue 1 and Statue 2 are not transgressed. These include burritos smuggled on airplanes, delivered by the Alameda-Weehawken Burrito Tunnel and of course via the all-powerful Burrito Railgun.
All others, enjoy your cylinders of sadness! Or jump on a flight to SFO and hop on BART to 24th St.
Come ride the Bikes to Books tour with us on Saturday, May 30! Both the foldable maps and our new posters will be available for sale.
It’s a surprisingly easy ride, and you can have an IPA at the end.
Bikes to Books Annual Springtime Ride!
Saturday, May 30, 1:00 p.m. – 4:00 p.m.
Meet at 12:45 p.m. at Jack London Street, at South Park in San Francisco
Ride will commence at 1:00 p.m. sharp
Ride will end at approximately 4:00 p.m. in North Beach, outside City Lights Books
Bring bikes with gears, snacks, and enthusiasm.
Event is free. Maps and posters will be available for purchase.
Combining San Francisco history, art, literature, cycling, and urban exploration, “Bikes to Books” began as an bike ride homage to the 1988 street-naming project spearheaded by City Lights founder and former San Francisco Poet Laureate, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, in which twelve San Francisco streets were renamed for famous artists and authors who had once made San Francisco their home. The 7.1 mile tour, which takes between two and three hours to complete, is admittedly not for the faint of heart nor gear—these streets were not chosen for their proximity to bike lanes, and there is plenty of traffic to dodge, hills to climb, one-way streets, and even a set of stairs. But it’s a diverting and unique way to celebrate both the literary and the adventurous spirit of San Francisco. First published in 2013 in the San Francisco Bay Guardian, and later in partnership with City Lights Books, the physical map can be found in many of San Francisco’s finest book emporiums, and is appropriate for use as a navigational tool, a history lesson, and a unique work of art in its own right.
Just one of those maps that makes your brain hurt. The (near) original San Francisco coast via the 1886 Sanborn Maps, when Bay St ran next to San Francisco Bay, and Beach St was water lots. Montgomery is today’s Columbus. (Click to zoom).
FINE FINE here it is in BurritoVision:
I found a saloon, right on the water! SALOON ZOOM:
A saloon AND a dressing room for bathers no less. I suppose you would need a drink before plunging in next to the old lead smelter.
Remember the Bikes to Books Map that highlighted a bike tour connecting streets that the San Francisco Board of Supervisors renamed after 13 authors and artists? Did you say to yourself, “Oh man I loved the map, but I really wish it were bigger and had more things on it?” If so, you are in luck! Behold and gaze your eyes upon Bikes to Books 2.0, The Poster!
It’s bigger! At 3 feet by two feet, it contains over 863 square inches of history!
It’s better! It now contains 31 individuals and entities, and over 50 points of historical and literary interest, and an awesome comparison timeline that shows who lived and worked in San Francisco at the same time.
It’s faster! It’s not folded! You can readily hang it on your wall! But you’d better hurry to catch this limited run. Be the first to get one of these maps at our release party at Benders on Wednesday, March 18th, 7-9 pm. It’s like a giant Burrito Justice post that you can hold in your hands! Details below!
Bikes to Books Beer Social and POSTER RELEASE party!
Wednesday, March 18, 7-9 pm
Benders Bar and Grill
806 S. Van Ness, SF
Join Nicole Gluckstern and Burrito Justice, the creators of literary bicycle tour “Bikes to Books,” for our annual beer social where we’ll be unveiling our latest iteration—an expanded poster version of the Bikes to Books map now with more authors, more historical context, and more nifty visuals. We’ll be talking up our collaborative mapping project and tour and fielding questions while enjoying some tasty adult beverages at our fave neighborhood watering hole, in the first of a series of “Bikes to Books” events planned for 2015.
Combining San Francisco history, art, literature, cycling, and urban exploration, “Bikes to Books” began as an bike ride homage to the 1988 street-naming project spearheaded by City Lights founder and former San Francisco Poet Laureate, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, in which twelve San Francisco streets were renamed for famous artists and authors who had once made San Francisco their home. First published in The San Francisco Bay Guardian and then in October 2013, with the generous assistance of City Lights Books, the physical map has been available ever since in many of San Francisco’s finest book emporiums, and is appropriate for use as a navigational tool, a history lesson, and a unique work of art in its own right.
So Saturday the fire was in the sky. Some panoramas I made at 24th & Mission.
I liked how this rabbit hole picture turned out:
A Burrito Justice agent atop Upper Market took this ominous looking shot:
And of course the epic GIF of lightning by @mahlie via Mission Mission:
(slow to load, as Flickr invariably is, but worth it)
The headline of this post is via @AndyKosinski.
UPDATE: Andy provides more details on the Cole experience: