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Burrito Rail Gun

March 6, 2012

This weekend saw an act of provocation when the Bernalwood Air Force clearly and intentionally violated La Lenguan airspace. While this was painted by Bernalwood apologists as a mere observation flight, the LaLeReAiDeCo (La Lenguan Revolutionary Air Defense Council) has taken measures to prevent such a transgression in the future.

First, taking a page from the cold war, we have erected a “ring of salsa” to prevent future transgressions.

Second, while Bernalwood Forces may have identified the location of our animated GIF production facility, we have since distributed it throughout multiple nodes for full GIF89a redundancy as you can see in the above schematic.

Third, we would also like to make the BAF (and other neighborhood aviation concerns) aware of our latest technogastronomical advancement, the weaponized burrito. With a warhead of extremely potent al pastor and avocado, it has currently has a range of several rachos.

Lastly, the La Lengua portion of Valencia St has been converted into a rail gun to facilitate kinetic burrito delivery. Recent PG&E “outages” in San Francisco are in fact test firings of the LaLeReKiBuLa (La Lengua Revolutionary Kinetic Burrito Launcher), and the “sewer construction” along Cesar Chavez will act as the cooling system once the system is fully operational.

(original railgun image credit: Wikipedia)

During peacetime when extra power budget is available, we will be able to leverage our infrastructure for humanitarian concerns, including emergency burrito deployment to regions infested with Chipotles. Our burrito rail gun should also break the transcontinental stranglehold of the nefarious Burrito Tunnel monopolists.

And don’t forget, Bernalwood — Sutro is watching you, and your Sutrito too. We have coordinated with Darth Sutro to emit high frequency radio waves to help steer burritos under high g-forces towards nearby targets.

We will be waiting at Rock Bar for your treaty renegotiation.

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19 Comments leave one →
  1. Herr Doktor Professor Deth Vegetable permalink
    March 6, 2012 6:32 pm

    VIVA LA LENGUA!

  2. March 6, 2012 11:16 pm

    This is awesome.

  3. March 6, 2012 11:56 pm

    IMPORTANT UPDATE: animated GIF demonstration of burrito rail gun operation.

  4. Joe Thomas permalink
    March 7, 2012 1:58 am

    ¡Fantástico!

  5. March 7, 2012 12:13 pm

    This is SO typical of war-mongering nations! Escalation is NOT the cure! It’s time we tackle our problems here at home! The first step would be to start emergency burrito deployments right here in our own backyard, and namely at my office in the Financial District. Only THEN will peace reign down upon us like a burrito Marshall Plan.

  6. March 10, 2012 9:55 am

    Congratulations. You are the winner of the internets. Everyone else: you may leave now. Thank you for playing.

  7. March 12, 2012 4:49 pm

    I feel so much safer now that I know I’m in the ring of salsa.

Trackbacks

  1. Eye in the Sky: Airborne with the Bernalwood Air Force | Bernalwood
  2. San Francisco Stadium, in 1938 Google Earth | Jobius
  3. Hungry Man Seeks to Eat His Way Across La Lengua | Bernalwood
  4. Stealth Aircraft Captured Flying Over Bernal Heights | Bernalwood
  5. From Russia with (no) Love « Burrito Justice
  6. Islais Landing, Sutro Rising « Burrito Justice
  7. Thursday: A Festive Street Crawl in “Bernal Flats” | Bernalwood
  8. Burrito Railgun HVAC « Burrito Justice
  9. SF Chronicle Columnist Calls the La Lengua Autonomous Zone “San Francisco in Miniature” | Bernalwood
  10. What’s Underneath Those Brick Circles? | Burrito Justice
  11. Sunday: Rebel Cartographer Burrito Justice Celebrates “Bike to Books” Map Project | Bernalwood

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